Month: December 2018

Singapore allows same-sex fathers to adopt their surrogate son

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Singapore gay

In a landmark decision, Singapore’s highest court has allowed a gay couple to adopt their son, who was conceived through surrogacy in the United States.

  • Singapore gay

The case began in December 2014 when fathers “James” and “Shawn” applied for James – whose sperm was used for the assisted reproduction – to adopt their son, “Noel”, hoping to remove the stigma of illegitimacy. Their real names have not been disclosed.

James and Shawn, who heard the news at 10.25am through their lawyers, were elated. They had gone to work as usual, despite knowing the judgment would be released on Monday morning.

“It was business as usual because we didn’t want to get our hopes too high,” said James, who is a doctor.

Shawn works in the marketing industry. Both men are 45, of Chinese ethnicity, and are Singaporeans. The men have been in a relationship for 13 years, living together since 2003.

James said the family was happy and relieved that the Court of Appeal has allowed the adoption of Noel.

“The fight to raise our family in Singapore has been a long and difficult journey,” he said. “We hope that the adoption will increase the chances of our son to be able to stay in Singapore with his family. His grandparents and us really want Singapore to be the home of our family. Our family will celebrate this significant milestone.”His grandparents and us really want Singapore to be the home of our family. Our family will celebrate this significant milestoneJames, father

The process was treated as single-parent adoption and will confer to James sole parental rights and responsibility for the child. Both fathers hoped this will make it easier for Noel, now four years old, to acquire Singapore citizenship. The South China Morning Post in January reported on the family’s legal limbo. Noel had been rejected for citizenship and at the time the fathers applied for his adoption, Noel was on a dependent’s pass that has since been renewed every six months.

Last year, the couple had their bid rejected by the Family Justice Courts one day after Christmas, although District Judge Shobha Nair said Noel would be provided for, with or without an adoption order.

By Kok Xinghui, TheStar.com, December 17, 2018

Click here to read the entire article.

The post Singapore allows same-sex fathers to adopt their surrogate son appeared first on Time For Families.


Source: Time for Families

WHAT POLYAMOROUS & MULTI-PARENT FAMILIES SHOULD DO TO PROTECT THEIR RIGHTS

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three parent custody

Families with more than two adults are on the rise, along with other families of choice beyond a nuclear model. 

Many don’t realize that legal options exist to provide stability and protect these family connections. If you’re in one of these families, take steps to secure and clarify your parenting or partnership rights when legally possible, and make contracts between yourselves to minimize potential disagreements.

three parent custody

What kinds of families have more than two adults?

My clients and community include polyamorous families of three or more committed partners, some of whom may be metamours – those who share a partner and familial bond without being romantically connected. Some of these polyamorous families include children, and some of those co-parent as three or four, while others maintain the structure of two parents with their other partner(s) as loving adults to their children like aunts and uncles, but not parents.  (It is critical to pick a side, as I’ll explain below.)

These polyamorous families have overlapping legal concerns with multi-parent families, which are most often a female same-sex couple who are co-parenting with a platonic male friend, who does not relinquish his rights as a sperm donor but instead stays on as a dad, sometimes with a partner of his own in the parenting mix. This can be a much more organic and affordable option for biological parenting for gay men as compared to surrogacy, which often costs over $100,000 and several years of effort with matching programs, physicians and attorneys. Multi-parent families also arise in non-LGBTQ contexts, in which a woman might have two men in her life who take on the role of father (perhaps one who is a husband and one who is the biological father).

Finally, these issues overlap with platonic partnering, in which two or more adults who are not in a romantic relationship band together to live as a family, which may include female friends (or sisters) sharing a household and parenting duties, a woman opting to co-parent with her gay best friend, an adult banding together with a romantic couple as a family, or a small group of friends wishing to create the bonds of family. If the Golden Girls wished to share end of life caregiving, finances, estate-planning, and hospital visitation as family, they’d be in this category (and I’d love to have them as clients).

Let’s recognize the solidarity between all of these family forms, along with same-sex couples and those bucking the norm to live single or redefine their partnership, as different expressions of the desire to choose families in our own way outside of the heterosexual nuclear family model. We’re all in that movement together.

Are you a dad or a donor? Mommy or auntie? Be clear on whether a third adult is a parent.

When people create families of choice, they don’t have clear cultural models to follow. Many of us wing it, which can lead to misunderstandings and legal ambiguities. I see this most often with ambiguous parenting status. This happens sometimes when a female same-sex couple or single mother finds a male friend to “help” create a turkey baster baby, without making a clearly negotiated agreement on whether that male friend is a sperm donor with no rights or responsibilities or a father. This also happens when a polyamorous couple with children invites a serious partner to live with them as a family, without agreeing on the role this adult will play in their child’s life. Sometimes I see these families when disputes or misunderstandings have occurred – and I’d much rather help people sort this out in advance through clear communication and a written agreement.

by Diana Adams, Esq. – Family Law Institute Blog Post December 17, 2018

Click here to read the entire blog post.

The post WHAT POLYAMOROUS & MULTI-PARENT FAMILIES SHOULD DO TO PROTECT THEIR RIGHTS appeared first on Time For Families.


Source: Time for Families

Kentucky Appellate Court Rejects Lesbian Co-Parent Custody/Visitation Claim, Reversing Family Court

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kentucky
Not So Welcome

Adopting a narrow construction of the Kentucky Supreme Court’s historic same-sex co-parent ruling, Mullins v. Picklesimer, 317 S.W.3d 569 (Ky. 2010), a three-judge panel of the Court of Appeals of Kentucky, ruling on November 30, reversed a decision by Jefferson Circuit Court Judge Deana D. McDonald, and ruled that Teri Whitehouse, the former union partner of Tammie Delaney, is not entitled to joint custody and parenting time with a child born to Delaney during the women’s relationship.  From comments in concurring opinions, it seems clear that this Kentucky Court of Appeals panel deems the U.S. Supreme Court’s marriage equality decision, Obergefell v. Hodges, 135 S. Ct. 2584 (2015), to require a bright-line test, under which it will be extremely difficult for unmarried partners to claim parental rights.  The opinion confirms the fears of some critics of the marriage equality movement who predicted that achieving same-sex marriage could undermine the interests of LGBT parents who chose not to marry.

The case is Delaney v. Whitehouse, 2018 WL 6266774, 2018 Ky. App. Unpub. LEXIS 844 (Ky. Ct. App., Nov. 30, 2018).  The court designated the opinion as “not to be published,” which means it is not supposed to be cited and argued as precedent for any other case, although Kentucky court rules say that an “unpublished” decision may be cited for consideration by a court if there is no published opinion that would adequately address the issue before the court.  The whole idea of “unpublished” decisions is archaic, of course, when such opinions are released and published in full text in on-line legal services such as Westlaw, Lexis, and Bloomberg Law, and readily available to practicing lawyers and the courts.

The opinion for the panel by Judge Robert G. Johnson (whose term expired after he wrote the opinion but before it was released by the court) accepts Judge McDonald’s factual findings, but disputes their legal significance.  McDonald found that the parties were in a romantic relationship and participated jointly in the decision to have a child, including the insemination process.  “The parties treated each other as equal partners and clearly intended to create a parent-like relationship” between Whitehead and the child, found Judge McDonald, who also found that “they held themselves out as the parents of this child since before conception.  They engaged in the process of selecting a [sperm] donor together, they attended appointments prior to insemination together, [Whitehouse] was present for the birth, and she has been known to the child as Momma.  The parties participated in a union ceremony, after the birth of the child, and they held themselves out as a family unit with friends and family.”

by Art Leonard, artleonardobservation.com, December 8, 2018

Click here to read the entire article.

The post Kentucky Appellate Court Rejects Lesbian Co-Parent Custody/Visitation Claim, Reversing Family Court appeared first on Time For Families.


Source: Time for Families

Cambodia’s surrogate mothers go free after agreeing to raise Chinese children but some see it as a mixed blessing

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  • Cambodia banned commercial surrogacy in 2016, and police in June raided two flats where Sophea and 31 other surrogate mothers were being cared for in Phnom Penh
  • They were charged the following month with violating human-trafficking laws, but authorities released them on bail last week, under the condition they raise the children themselves
Cambodia

Sophea was eight months pregnant when Cambodian police told her she would have to keep the baby that was never meant to be hers – and forfeit the US$10,000 she was promised for acting as a surrogate for a Chinese couple.

Cambodia banned commercial surrogacy in 2016, and police in June raided two flats where Sophea and 31 other surrogate mothers were being cared for in Cambodia’s capital, Phnom Penh.

They were charged the following month with violating human-trafficking laws, but authorities released them on bail last week, under the condition they raise the children themselves.

Campaigners say Cambodia’s surrogacy crackdown is unlikely to end the trade as poverty means many women will continue to risk arrest for the chance to earn life-changing sums of money.

For some of the newly freed women, keeping their baby is a burden as they struggle to get by. For others, it is a relief.

Despite the financial loss, 24-year-old Sophea said she was happy the authorities intervened, and that her family had welcomed her baby boy.

South China Morning Post, December 11, 2018

Click here to read the entire article.

The post Cambodia’s surrogate mothers go free after agreeing to raise Chinese children but some see it as a mixed blessing appeared first on Time For Families.


Source: Time for Families

DOJ Hires Kerri Kupac, Anti-LGBTQ Spokesperson

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Alliance Defending Freedom’s Kerri Kupec reported to be new Public Affairs chief

LGBTQ

The Justice Department has hired Kerri Kupac,  a new spokesperson drawn from a leading anti-LGBTQ litigation group, according to The Daily Beast.

Kerri Kupec, who has worked with the Alliance Defending Freedom (ADF), will serve as the DOJ’s director of the Office of Public Affairs. She recently worked in the campaign to confirm Supreme Court Justice Brett Kavanaugh, who faced serious allegations of sexual assault dating back to his time in high school.

Kupec played a visible and vocal role at ADF, which represented bakery owner Jack Phillips in the Masterpiece Cakeshop v. Colorado Civil Rights Commission Supreme Court case. In that case, the court ruled in favor of Phillips, who refused to sell a wedding cake to a same-sex couple. The decision, however, was decided on narrow grounds that did not settle the underlying question of a business’ right to claim a religious exemption from nondiscrimination laws.

December 7, 2018, by Matt Tracy, GayCityNews.nyc

Click here to read the entire article.

The post DOJ Hires Kerri Kupac, Anti-LGBTQ Spokesperson appeared first on Time For Families.


Source: Time for Families

One Truth About Adult Guardianship – ‘I’m Petitioning … for the Return of My Life’

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adult guardianship

When Phyllis Funke hit bottom, the court appointed a guardian to prop her up. The remedy is like prison, she said. But “at least in prison you have rights.”

The last weeks that Phyllis Funke could legally make decisions for herself, she climbed into bed, planning to stay there for a while. It was the end of 2016 and she felt disillusioned with the election and wounded by her brother’s recent move to Texas.

She wasn’t considering suicide, she said. She just needed to go under the covers until she could figure out how to deal with the rest of her life, so totally alone.

adult guardianship

She had credit cards, a car, friends and financial advisers in Maine and New York.

When a caseworker from Adult Protective Services and a city psychiatrist entered her apartment on March 3, 2017, clipping the security chain because she did not answer the door, she was unraveling emotionally and physically, at risk of becoming homeless or worse. She had no idea what price she would pay for the intervention.

“I’ve been bullied, blackmailed and stripped of the things I need to live, including my money,” she said on a recent afternoon. “Everything has been taken away from me. I have no access to my bank accounts. I don’t have the money to pay for the medications that I’m prescribed. I don’t get mail. I can’t choose my own doctors.

In a City like New York, where people are used to looking past their neighbors, how often do you see someone and ask yourself, Is that person O.K.? Should I call someone? Maybe they’re older and not moving well. They look adrift in the produce aisle, or you pass their open apartment door and you can’t see the floor for the clutter. You’re a paramedic and they’re refusing to go to the hospital after a bloody fall. It’s your mother or your uncle, and you’re worried about the bills piling up, or the email scams or the sudden loan to a stranger.

You bandage the wound or you promise to check in tomorrow, or you turn away and get on with your life.

Or you call Adult Protective Services. After all, that person needs some sort of protection, doesn’t she?

New York Times, December 7, 2018 by John Leland

Click here to read the entire article.

The post One Truth About Adult Guardianship – ‘I’m Petitioning … for the Return of My Life’ appeared first on Time For Families.


Source: Time for Families

Transgender Ear Bender – Personal Struggles and Statistics

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This edition of TEB ended up focusing on anxiety and depression – but there’s a happy ending! I will share my story first, and then share some recent statistics. Thanks for tuning in!

            I was depressed from a very young age and since I did not know what depression really was at the ages of five or six, I didn’t know how to describe it. I tried, when I was about five years old, and told my father that I felt like I had a hole inside of myself that I couldn’t fill. Try to imagine a five-year-old saying that to you, and then imagine what you would do. Would you finish their bedtime story, put them to bed, and never ask them about it again? I sure wouldn’t.

When I was eleven, I told my Mom that I was having negative thoughts, and thoughts involving self-harm. She told me “that’s part of growing up” and left me sitting on the couch alone wondering if this was all that life could offer me; ultimately concluding that life wasn’t worth it. So, I started planning my suicide, and began giving my things away to friends since I wouldn’t need them anymore. It was going to be a Tuesday, and I was ready – confident that I was making the right decision since I wasn’t happy and had no hope of that ever really changing. Long story short,the school found out through a friend, and my parents were called in. Suddenly it was an issue that my parents had “no idea” about, and the school mandated that I begin therapy before returning to school. It didn’t help, but I got smarter at hiding it, and started drinking because that’s what my Dad and brothers did so it made sense to me. By the time I was twelve I was drinking at least three nights a week – mostly to fall asleep but it quickly became more than that (which is a different support group altogether, so I won’t go into it here, but I’m sure you get the picture). Thank goodness I did not get involved with drugs, which is a surprise since that is also what my father and brothers were doing, because I’m sure that my mother would be truly broken if another one of her children was lost to overdose (my brother Michael died from a heroin overdose in 2011 at the age of 29). I became very good at hiding my depression and anxiety – and thrived despite it. I did well in school and was also an accomplished athlete in soccer, softball, and swimming – missing state championships in the 100m Butterfly event by 2 seconds (I blame my brothers for this, and there is a funny story involved I promise) – but something was always missing. It wasn’t until I learned that I was transgender that I finally had a realization as to why I was depressed for most of my life.  

            With all of that in mind, my father has been sober for over four years now, and my brother Matthew has been successfully calling me ‘Aidan’ instead of my birth name for over a year now. My mother is doing better, and although she said many things throughout my life – and my transition – that will never be forgotten, we are civil, and she is trying to truly come to terms with me as her child.

            I now have some statistics that I would like to share with you regarding the transgender community and then the happy ending!

An adult survey, offered in English and Spanish, was offered online in 2015 to the transgender population and almost 28,000 people responded. The findings, sadly, confirmed what many of us assumed to be true regarding many statistics including employment status, harassment, but also suicide attempts. The rate of suicide among the general population is 4.6%,however for those in the transgender population that number is 40%. That statistic increases even higher when outside factors such as harassment, discrimination either at school, work, or by family members enter the picture.

            If not for my wife and love of my life Sarah, I may have ended up in a much darker place. She has been my rock through all of this, and her support as well as support from friends has kept me going throughout my life and especially my transition. Please keep in mind that this also applies to all members of the LGBTQ+ community, and support is one of the most important factors for people who identify as LGBTQ+. Thank you all for being involved in PFLAG, even if it is just to be on the mailing list, your support and understanding go a long way for the community.

As always, if there is a topic that you would like to hear more about or a question you may have that you’d like me to address, don’t hesitate to send it to [email protected] and I can address it in one of the TEB installments.

Until next time!

Transgender Ear Bender – Life on Long Island

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            Growing up, I knew nothing of what it meant that someone could be transgender. I knew what gay meant, and lesbian, and cross-dressers (The Birdcage and Some Like it Hot are family favorites) but I had no idea that people could completely change from one gender to another. Our little Lynbrook bubble kept me from seeing more than just my small town.

I knew that I was having feelings for other girls when I was very young, probably five or six, at least I knew that I felt differently about them than I did about boys. I didn’t know exactly what it was until middle school and even then, I suppressed feelings as hard as I could because I knew that was something that wasn’t common in society and didn’t want to be seen as different. I just wanted to be a well-behaved, normal kid – for my parents’ sakes. I have to say that I did a pretty damn good job of it until I became a teenager (typical, I know – gosh darn kids these days, no respect I tell ya) and started to truly self-analyze. I began to acknowledge that even though I’d dated boys, something wasn’t fully clicking. I told no one what I was feeling in middle school, and kept all of my research private, afraid (rightfully so, as it turns out) that no one in my traditional Irish Catholic family would understand and help me to learn more or explore deeper into myself.

The closest thing that I got to support came from my brother Michael, who unfortunately died of a heroin overdose in 2011, before I even came out as transgender and began my transition. To say “it was hard” to lose the only person in my immediate family that showed any semblance of unconditional acceptance and support for me, is a drastic understatement.

            Throughout my research in middle school and some of high school, which was done hastily and often followed by a deletion of recent search history (the computer was located in the dining room with the screen facing the main entryway of the house – so that what we were doing could be seen at all times), I found that there were more positive reactions than I had anticipated to someone coming out of the closet. Although the terrible situations that I imagined ensuing when I came out were still evident on the internet, there was a sliver of hope that I wouldn’t have a terrible life as a lesbian – which is what I assumed that I was at that time in my life, since my feelings towards other girls had become more evident despite my attempt to push them away and ignore them. I’m not sure if there was a single moment of revelation that occurred in which I knew that I was sexually attracted to women. It was a string of moments, and brief feelings of warmth around certain people.

            Of course, hindsight is 20/20 so now I know that I was transgender all along. A question that I often ask myself is, “If I had known earlier, would I have done it all differently?” An unfair question, really – but still interesting to ponder. I don’t know if I would have been better off knowing earlier – or if that would have made it harder for me. Going through this process in my twenties is assumedly much different than that of a teenager or younger, and I have the feeling that I would be much more impatient and frustrated as a teen than I was as a young adult.

            Most importantly, however, is that I cannot change the past – none of us can. So try to remember that even though it would have been nice or convenient to know about something (whether it’s rain on the day of a party or someone you love sharing that they are part of the LGBTQ+ community), it doesn’t change what happened or what is happening. All that we can do is take a breath, accept things as they are, and move on with our lives as best we can while we educate ourselves about different aspects of life.

Daddy Squared Podcast tells the story of the 14th annual Men Having Babies NYC conference

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In this special episode, we flew to New York City to experience the annual Men Having Babies Conference. 

MHB provides unbiased surrogacy parenting advice and support for gay men worldwide. The Conference featured parenting options in the USA and Canada, in-depth panels — including on insurance, budgeting, and teen surrogacy children, and an Expo of surrogacy parenting info. In this episode we shed a light on the history and work of Men Having Babies, on the conference and on the Canadian surrogacy option.

Click here to listen to the podcast.

The post Daddy Squared Podcast tells the story of the 14th annual Men Having Babies NYC conference appeared first on Time For Families.


Source: Time for Families

From a Deceased Woman’s Transplanted Uterus, a Live Birth

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uterus

A novel uterus transplantation procedure may help more infertile women become pregnant.

A woman who received a uterus transplanted from a deceased donor has given birth to a healthy child, researchers in Brazil said on Tuesday. It is the first such birth to be reported.uterus

Uterine transplants from living donors have succeeded; at least 11 babies have been born this way since 2013. But a viable procedure to transplant uteri from deceased women could drastically increase the availability of the organs.

“We talk about lifesaving transplants. This is a life-giving transplant, a new category,” said Dr. Allan D. Kirk, the chief surgeon at Duke University Health System, who was not involved in the research.

“Biologically, organs of the living and the dead aren’t all that different,” he added. “But the availability of deceased donors certainly could open this up to a much broader number of patients.”

The operation, detailed in a case study published in The Lancet, followed 10 other attempted uterus transplants from deceased donors in the United States, Turkey and Czech Republic. It was the first successful uterine transplant in Latin America.

Infertility affects more than one in 10 women of reproductive age worldwide. The subject in this study, born without a uterus, received the organ from a 45-year-old woman who had delivered three children naturally. The donor had died of a stroke.

Seven months after the 10-hour transplant surgery — after menstruation began, and once it became evident that the patient’s body had not rejected the organ — doctors implanted the uterus with one of the patient’s own eggs.

A six-pound baby girl was delivered through cesarean section, according to Dr. Dani Ejzenberg, a gynecologist at the Hospital das Clínicas at the Universidade de São Paulo in Brazil, who led the research.

In the future, patients may be able to turn to organ banks instead of searching for volunteers, and living donors could avoid risky complications such as infections or serious bleeding.

By Emily Baumgaertner  New York Times, December 5, 2018

Click here to read the entire article.

The post From a Deceased Woman’s Transplanted Uterus, a Live Birth appeared first on Time For Families.


Source: Time for Families